I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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