Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize