I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
