I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
