When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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