It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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