I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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