You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
