After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
