Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
