gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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