i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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