I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
