During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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