I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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