So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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