Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
After tacos, we're chasing women.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
