He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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