he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
