Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
