so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
