If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
