Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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