She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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