If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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