They should really pass out barf bags in church
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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