I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
