i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
a search helicopter?!
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
