I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
