it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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