physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
