Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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