You can't special order awesome
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Randomize
