He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
