She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
