You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
