I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Randomize
