My first STD was from a foam party
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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