just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
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