I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
