drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I checked into jail on foursquare
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
