this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
