I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
