im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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