had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
