it was like his penis was on wheels.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
