He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
