Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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