she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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