you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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