I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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