He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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