On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
