so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
