if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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