i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
