Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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