someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
