Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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