Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
