Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
