it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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