did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
