Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize
