Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
