I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just gift wrapped bread.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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