Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
