I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
